Bloody Mary

On being a shitty mother

Family life goes in phases of calm and then chaos, and then calm again, and then chaos, and so on and on. Right now, my house is in chaos-mode. I’d use the term crisis, but nothing is dire, unalterably wrong, and I don’t want to court disaster. But I’ve definitely been feeling overwhelmed, and, I admit, like a shitty mother.

I resist the notion that some of us aren’t meant to be mothers, I’ve heard a variation of this line—I’m just cut out for this or I’m too fucked up to be a mother—from a number of mom friends when things are especially challenging. I always protest it. We all have gifts and challenges as people and parents, and the idea of the Good Mother is downright sexist, flattening experience and putting impossible expectations on mothers. Parenthood is not a one size fits all approach, and we must be allowed to be flawed, and to allow ourselves some grace and humanity.

That said, right now, all I can feel are my flaws, and it really hurts.

It’s been about a year since I wrote a revealing, behind-the-paywall post about how parenting is going, so maybe it’s time to lay it all out there again, with hopes that by the time I publish it, peace will reign. At the very least, you’ll feel better about your own situation. Or superior to me. A win-win for all!

The rest of this one is for paying subscribers only since it’s pretty personal! Thank you for supporting my work.