Unlike many people here, I have chosen to get fillers. I started a few years ago because, in all honesty, I'm vain and I felt sad looking in the mirror. I would analyze my hollow eyes and dark circles. I felt unattractive. Maybe I should've been able to embrace my new face, but I just couldn't. I wanted to wear less makeup and feel confident. I wanted to feel beautiful and the fillers make all the difference for me. Perhaps it's society's fault, but I suspect I would've just felt ugly and been unable to do anything about it if this were 40 years ago. I think we are all on our own journeys and we do what we need or want or can do to make it through.
Side note: I think people really just need to be honest about changing their faces so that people understand that it's all smoke and mirrors.
Really appreciate this approach! I’m in the minority among my 40-something peers in opting not to use Botox. My sister and her friends (5 years younger) who live in the northwest tried to persuade me, but I resisted.
Getting older is no doubt challenging, but there is a freedom. When you have wrinkles- your individual inner self and experiences are more exposed. Without wrinkles it’s easier to come across as a shell who could be interchangeable with anyone else. It feels good to care less about fitting into a mold and to interact with the world as a more authentic person.
I'm 32 and a lot of my friends/cousins/co-workers get fillers and lip injections quite often. I'm personally too lazy to get work done that requires any kind of upkeep. Last year, I got highlights for the first time and I resented how often I needed to get touch ups. It was expensive (~$250-300 per visit) and took multiple hours to do. As I sat in the salon chair, I thought about what else I could be doing with that time. I could be hiking in Malibu or walking on the beach or reading. The decision, for me, boils down to taking back ownership of my time.
I recently dyed my hair back to black, my natural hair color. I've noticed my first grays coming in, which shocked me a little. I'm now debating whether I'll let the grays grow out naturally, or whether I'll dye over them. I'm not sure yet. Maybe I'm not as lazy as I thought after all?
I spend too much time dyeing my hair blonde so I get it! I think it's that I feel more myself when my hair is lighter--but am okay with letting another part of me evolve/devolve from some static sense of myself? I don't yet have gray or white hair (happened late for both of my parents), but I can imagine going gray to be a pretty big shift.
I'm super late to this and the chat may have concluded, but last night, as i was admiring my gray hairs in the mirror-- truly! I love them! Though I did not at first!-- my 7 year old said "Mom, are you actually getting older by the second?" Yes, we all are, it's a lot to consideer. I hadn't thought about the embrace of the crow's feet vs the rejection of the thinkle (elevens for me) and what that means, yeow. I have a resting skeptic face.
I feel all of this too! I’ve let my hair go grey since sheltering in place and am half the time really happy with my decision and half the time see a reflection in the mirror or a photo and don’t recognize myself. I have been at the same company so long that I’ve gone from bring one of the youngest employees to one of the oldest. It’s a weird feeling to become a middle aged woman in the workplace. And my daughter’s skin is amazing and I don’t have my mom around anymore to make me feel young by comparison.
I do love sighing over a young person's skin--why do we obsess about our own face or hair when most of the time we don't even get to see it?! But I know what you mean too--there's pain there, a sense of loss. And, yes, not having that older figure to show you what the future is like, and to admire that future, and see how hard or great it might get, that's difficult too. Thanks for reading!
This was so good! I felt all of this, especially the part about losing your power but also how to "be" a woman in the world, in her 40s. How do we rewrite and evolve so that our insides fit our outsides and vice versa.
I loved this and Jessica DeFino's take, too. I'm with you all the way. I love wrinkled faces and signs of aging. It drives me insane how ubiquitous fucking with your face is becoming. And it makes me even crazier to be told that it's unfeminist to be critical of Botox and filler use. I don't dye my hair at 45 (never have) and it is starting to feel like a radical stance to take. Someone actually told me I was "brave" for just letting my hair go gray. If that's what counts as brave these days...
Unlike many people here, I have chosen to get fillers. I started a few years ago because, in all honesty, I'm vain and I felt sad looking in the mirror. I would analyze my hollow eyes and dark circles. I felt unattractive. Maybe I should've been able to embrace my new face, but I just couldn't. I wanted to wear less makeup and feel confident. I wanted to feel beautiful and the fillers make all the difference for me. Perhaps it's society's fault, but I suspect I would've just felt ugly and been unable to do anything about it if this were 40 years ago. I think we are all on our own journeys and we do what we need or want or can do to make it through.
Side note: I think people really just need to be honest about changing their faces so that people understand that it's all smoke and mirrors.
Thanks for your honesty, Amanda! I think, yes, the answer really is for us to be transparent and open. xoxo
Really appreciate this approach! I’m in the minority among my 40-something peers in opting not to use Botox. My sister and her friends (5 years younger) who live in the northwest tried to persuade me, but I resisted.
Getting older is no doubt challenging, but there is a freedom. When you have wrinkles- your individual inner self and experiences are more exposed. Without wrinkles it’s easier to come across as a shell who could be interchangeable with anyone else. It feels good to care less about fitting into a mold and to interact with the world as a more authentic person.
That's a nice way of putting it--thank you!
I am happy that so many of my close friends have decided (at least for now?) to skip the injections and such. We're all going sexy hag together.
I'm 32 and a lot of my friends/cousins/co-workers get fillers and lip injections quite often. I'm personally too lazy to get work done that requires any kind of upkeep. Last year, I got highlights for the first time and I resented how often I needed to get touch ups. It was expensive (~$250-300 per visit) and took multiple hours to do. As I sat in the salon chair, I thought about what else I could be doing with that time. I could be hiking in Malibu or walking on the beach or reading. The decision, for me, boils down to taking back ownership of my time.
I recently dyed my hair back to black, my natural hair color. I've noticed my first grays coming in, which shocked me a little. I'm now debating whether I'll let the grays grow out naturally, or whether I'll dye over them. I'm not sure yet. Maybe I'm not as lazy as I thought after all?
I spend too much time dyeing my hair blonde so I get it! I think it's that I feel more myself when my hair is lighter--but am okay with letting another part of me evolve/devolve from some static sense of myself? I don't yet have gray or white hair (happened late for both of my parents), but I can imagine going gray to be a pretty big shift.
I'm super late to this and the chat may have concluded, but last night, as i was admiring my gray hairs in the mirror-- truly! I love them! Though I did not at first!-- my 7 year old said "Mom, are you actually getting older by the second?" Yes, we all are, it's a lot to consideer. I hadn't thought about the embrace of the crow's feet vs the rejection of the thinkle (elevens for me) and what that means, yeow. I have a resting skeptic face.
I feel all of this too! I’ve let my hair go grey since sheltering in place and am half the time really happy with my decision and half the time see a reflection in the mirror or a photo and don’t recognize myself. I have been at the same company so long that I’ve gone from bring one of the youngest employees to one of the oldest. It’s a weird feeling to become a middle aged woman in the workplace. And my daughter’s skin is amazing and I don’t have my mom around anymore to make me feel young by comparison.
I do love sighing over a young person's skin--why do we obsess about our own face or hair when most of the time we don't even get to see it?! But I know what you mean too--there's pain there, a sense of loss. And, yes, not having that older figure to show you what the future is like, and to admire that future, and see how hard or great it might get, that's difficult too. Thanks for reading!
This was so good! I felt all of this, especially the part about losing your power but also how to "be" a woman in the world, in her 40s. How do we rewrite and evolve so that our insides fit our outsides and vice versa.
An ongoing process, I guess--that "growing up" thing never ends...I hope.
I loved this and Jessica DeFino's take, too. I'm with you all the way. I love wrinkled faces and signs of aging. It drives me insane how ubiquitous fucking with your face is becoming. And it makes me even crazier to be told that it's unfeminist to be critical of Botox and filler use. I don't dye my hair at 45 (never have) and it is starting to feel like a radical stance to take. Someone actually told me I was "brave" for just letting my hair go gray. If that's what counts as brave these days...
Oh god, the "you're brave" comments! Ugh. No.