I love this comparison! Also with trying to be a "good" anything, you have to sacrifice being a "good" something else. As a writer and a mother, I have sacrificed being that good writer to be a good mother...but also feel like I'm failing at that! Loved how you pointed out how simplistic we boil things down to when expecting a "good" anything.
Edan, I love this so much, and your response to parenting "styles" is exactly mine. Like, I don't want to be a generically good mom to a factory-standard kid, I want to know and love my particular kids. And I feel like your essay came at the exact right time for me, selfishly, as I'm right at the end of my next book, titled The Good Mother Myth (!)
I am totally going to be a perfect writer in 2024 how dare you call me out like that, Edan! I *have* given up on being a perfect mother though. I'll take progress in one of my areas of self-delusion!
Thoughtful piece. Motherhood- messy terrain. I appreciate your tie in with writing- centering on an intuitive, subjective process.
I admire moms who are able to succeed as writers. NYT T magazine ran an article a few Sundays ago about how incompatible motherhood is with life as an artist. Made me feel slightly better, since I’ve found parenthood all consuming lately and haven’t been able to carve out the space/time to write.
Illness, holidays, something always seems to get in the way. It also doesn’t help that I don’t have a solid foundation as a writer- making the time doesn’t come naturally.
Even when I’m not with my kids they consume my mental energy - scheduling, planning, shopping, running/managing the house, driving, etc.
In general, the boomer generation tended to parent in a self-centered and neglectful manner. Then Gen X and millennials overcorrected by coddling, self-sacrificing, and trying to preempt any conflict our kids may have- staying hyper vigilant. Turning parenthood into an exhausting endeavor.
I like the concept of process. But it’s challenging to trust it when both your writing and the labor you do as a parent are invisible and under the radar. I admire those who manage to do both, but I don’t understand how it’s done. If my daughter chooses career over motherhood I’ll probably be relieved.
Oh--I haven't read that! I will look for it now. I know it can be so so so SO hard to find time to write with kids. Not-writing is maybe the easiest thing in the word, and finding the time, space, headspace, and will to write is just...a real challenge! I feel you. I see your labor! know what you mean, though! Hang in there and may 2024 be more productive and inspiring (and realistic) for us all. xoxo
Edan, I love and relate to so much of this. Also, I TOO HATE 'GIFT' AS A VERB
Down with gifting! Preach!
oh gosh, this is great. i'm glad i saved it and remembered to revisit.
Thank you! xoxo
I love this comparison! Also with trying to be a "good" anything, you have to sacrifice being a "good" something else. As a writer and a mother, I have sacrificed being that good writer to be a good mother...but also feel like I'm failing at that! Loved how you pointed out how simplistic we boil things down to when expecting a "good" anything.
Thanks! We can't be everything all the time...alas!
Edan, I love this so much, and your response to parenting "styles" is exactly mine. Like, I don't want to be a generically good mom to a factory-standard kid, I want to know and love my particular kids. And I feel like your essay came at the exact right time for me, selfishly, as I'm right at the end of my next book, titled The Good Mother Myth (!)
ooh, can't wait to read!
I am totally going to be a perfect writer in 2024 how dare you call me out like that, Edan! I *have* given up on being a perfect mother though. I'll take progress in one of my areas of self-delusion!
I never said perfect--you did! But YOU ARE, YOU are! xoxo
Thoughtful piece. Motherhood- messy terrain. I appreciate your tie in with writing- centering on an intuitive, subjective process.
I admire moms who are able to succeed as writers. NYT T magazine ran an article a few Sundays ago about how incompatible motherhood is with life as an artist. Made me feel slightly better, since I’ve found parenthood all consuming lately and haven’t been able to carve out the space/time to write.
Illness, holidays, something always seems to get in the way. It also doesn’t help that I don’t have a solid foundation as a writer- making the time doesn’t come naturally.
Even when I’m not with my kids they consume my mental energy - scheduling, planning, shopping, running/managing the house, driving, etc.
In general, the boomer generation tended to parent in a self-centered and neglectful manner. Then Gen X and millennials overcorrected by coddling, self-sacrificing, and trying to preempt any conflict our kids may have- staying hyper vigilant. Turning parenthood into an exhausting endeavor.
I like the concept of process. But it’s challenging to trust it when both your writing and the labor you do as a parent are invisible and under the radar. I admire those who manage to do both, but I don’t understand how it’s done. If my daughter chooses career over motherhood I’ll probably be relieved.
Oh--I haven't read that! I will look for it now. I know it can be so so so SO hard to find time to write with kids. Not-writing is maybe the easiest thing in the word, and finding the time, space, headspace, and will to write is just...a real challenge! I feel you. I see your labor! know what you mean, though! Hang in there and may 2024 be more productive and inspiring (and realistic) for us all. xoxo
Thank you for the positivity! Unable to copy link. From Dec. 1- titled ‘When Women Artists Choose Mothering Over Making Work’.