Such a dilemma! I empathize - how to find the balance between micro-managing and letting go with homework. I want my kids to have ownership and to do it for themselves. I resent homework, I want them to learn for the sake of learning and not for the grade. When there’s too much homework it becomes all about the end result and whatever it takes to get it done, rather than learning. Which has lead to more kids cheating and exchanging homework in high school. Or there’s procrastination as a coping mechanism. If it’s just about an end result and not the process then it becomes an empty exercise. Kids shut down and distract themselves to avoid the anxiety and pressure. I wish evenings and weekends could be reserved for reading and family time. Homework creates a pressure cooker where everyone is miserable and it steals precious time that could be spent in a more meaningful and joyful way.
I totally agree with you--I hate homework for the sake of homework. The thing is, Bean's teachers do not do that. They're very intentional about when they assign work outside of class, so it's worse when he blows it off!
My parents were totally flummoxed by my youngest brother because while the rest of us were very motivated by being ashamed of failing or of not having our homework done on time, he could not be made to be feel bad about doing poorly at school. It took becoming an adult for him to make the connection between the kind of work he hated doing as a kid and how much easier life is if you just get shit done. So much of doing homework is coping with the boredom of doing a task which has to get done, and for a lot kids it's like "Why on earth would anyone do this?" Welcome to making doctor's appointments, renewing your driver's license, and all the other adult stuff you can't escape from.
One useful thing you have in your favor is that Bean seems to feel bad when he does badly. Now he has to connect it to actually DOING the work. I don't think you're doing anything wrong. High school feels like the time when you really have to stop hovering a lot, if for no other reason than to not be the mom in constant danger of violating FERPA when he gets to college.
Good study habits and homework prepare kids for college. My parents should have understood this but they didn’t. Luckily I took a summer studies program that taught me this or I would not have succeeded in college. College isn’t for everyone but I think it probably is for your kids. My kids knew that if they did well in school I let them pretty much do what they want. I was lucky as that worked out. I think your instincts are correct. Keep the pressure on. Heat and pressure producers diamonds.
Such a dilemma! I empathize - how to find the balance between micro-managing and letting go with homework. I want my kids to have ownership and to do it for themselves. I resent homework, I want them to learn for the sake of learning and not for the grade. When there’s too much homework it becomes all about the end result and whatever it takes to get it done, rather than learning. Which has lead to more kids cheating and exchanging homework in high school. Or there’s procrastination as a coping mechanism. If it’s just about an end result and not the process then it becomes an empty exercise. Kids shut down and distract themselves to avoid the anxiety and pressure. I wish evenings and weekends could be reserved for reading and family time. Homework creates a pressure cooker where everyone is miserable and it steals precious time that could be spent in a more meaningful and joyful way.
I totally agree with you--I hate homework for the sake of homework. The thing is, Bean's teachers do not do that. They're very intentional about when they assign work outside of class, so it's worse when he blows it off!
My parents were totally flummoxed by my youngest brother because while the rest of us were very motivated by being ashamed of failing or of not having our homework done on time, he could not be made to be feel bad about doing poorly at school. It took becoming an adult for him to make the connection between the kind of work he hated doing as a kid and how much easier life is if you just get shit done. So much of doing homework is coping with the boredom of doing a task which has to get done, and for a lot kids it's like "Why on earth would anyone do this?" Welcome to making doctor's appointments, renewing your driver's license, and all the other adult stuff you can't escape from.
One useful thing you have in your favor is that Bean seems to feel bad when he does badly. Now he has to connect it to actually DOING the work. I don't think you're doing anything wrong. High school feels like the time when you really have to stop hovering a lot, if for no other reason than to not be the mom in constant danger of violating FERPA when he gets to college.
Good study habits and homework prepare kids for college. My parents should have understood this but they didn’t. Luckily I took a summer studies program that taught me this or I would not have succeeded in college. College isn’t for everyone but I think it probably is for your kids. My kids knew that if they did well in school I let them pretty much do what they want. I was lucky as that worked out. I think your instincts are correct. Keep the pressure on. Heat and pressure producers diamonds.