This is it! It’s so hard to have honest conversations about this because it can feel mean to say just stop but really that’s the only solution. I’ve been off all social media since 2020 and I cannot fathom why anyone is allowing these man-child billionaire run companies to use their creepy algorithms on your brain all day every day. There is another way!
It's hard because I know it does bring joy to people, and there was joy for me too. But not enough to keep going with it. I think moderation can work for many...but, also, yeah, the people running these companies do not have our best interests in mind! Patrick has been off social media for years and now is like, "I told you so."
Ha my boyfriend is one of those who does 2 per week, mostly because he listens exclusively to audiobooks due to his ADHD. So he’s just always listening to something. He has learned not to rub this in my face as I, too, am unnecessarily competitive about it
Loved reading about your experience breaking up with social media! I have been trying to manage this as well and have been thinking about all those app-blocking tools to be less online/on my phone. Anytime I take an intentional weekend camping/being without phone service I always feel 10x better, but it's so easy to fall back into the habit once the weekend is done. You're inspiring me to be more intentional about it too. I am usually pretty good about locking my phone away whenever I am in company with people, nothing beats being fully present with people you love. It feels impossible to take email off my phone due to the way my day job operates but I just might go ahead and try that too :)
I am curious about Brick, which I may invest in should I return to social media for career reasons (someday...but I hope not to, honestly). I think if your work demands quick email responses it would be hard to leave it...but maybe it's worth experimenting?!
I’ve been successfully using the Brick. I quit FB, have Instagram down to 20 mins a day, and never was on Twitter etc, but the real thing is bricking safari and email for long periods on my phone— so I can still use the “tools” (maps, camera, music) but no scroll. I still have work computer for news but that’s not in my pocket!
I have heard Brick is very useful and actually works! I may have to get it if I go back to social media for my career. I don't want to go back ever but I can see how it might be useful for at least announcing stuff!
My 46 year old self loves its physical nature and I can’t unbrick it without tapping it back on that little thing. I brick before I head out to meet friends for dinner and no “oh let me look that up” or “I’ll check whatever while they are inthe bathroom”. Brick before I head to walks, Brick while working so I’m not looking at computer AND phone all the time. Brick while watching tv, with kids, etc!
Oh--also have you read The Power of Fun by Catherine Price? She also has a book about breaking up with your phone. But in the fun book she really explains clearly how the feeling of fun/pleasure/relief from phones is threadbare and false. And she makes a strong case for how things like laughing with people in person, or picking up the phone to call someone (even though we have gotten out of the habit) is much more rewarding than interacting via a like or even a text. We all know this, but we've gotten so far away from it.
Yes to all of this, Edan! Your conclusions about parenting and promotion are right, I think. I am so glad it's been going well for you. I've been off social media for awhile, except for this place...I need to find a way to not scroll Substack, because it's not even enjoyable.And the internet in general is more of a problem for me than just social media. I feel like I keep having to tell myself that there isn't even much that's great on it anymore, not like in the golden days of email and blogs. And yet I still want to surf...I've taken some drastic measures to stop, which I can share privately. I fell off recently and have firmly recommitted. Solidarity!!!
I have never been all that internet-obsessed...I think my curiosity doesn't work that way....? I just don't go down rabbit holes online like some people who are good at exploring their interests that way. I also agree there isn't that much to discover online anymore. Too bad the blogs and fun emails aren't a thing anymore. I would love to hear about your drastic measures though.
I'm on a social media break this summer and I'm still in the itchy reaching-for-it time.
I also find that it takes more intentional work to figure out how to take in news if I'm not just getting everything in a garbled flood on Instagram, which makes me not want to, and I'm worried that will make me a bad citizen? (But also, was social media really making me a BETTER citizen? That can't be right!) I want to be a good citizen and also a book-reader and an elusive cool woman who is not always looking at her phone -- is that too much to ask?
Also, love that you don't get emails. You're doing something right.
Social media engagement is NOT political engagement--I think those in power want us to keep reading news on social media and getting outraged, reblogging memes or whatever, and leaving it at that. This doesn't change shit! I subscribe to the Substack Chop Wood, Carry Water, which provides a political action (or more than 1) every day. I don't always read it, and I def don't do an action daily, but I try to do something occasionally. I am trying to figure out what best to do with this whole mess with the national guard and ICE here in LA. I also try to do some hyper local stuff when I can, which can have a big impact. I try to read the paper and listen to NPR so I'm up to date on current events. This feels way healthier AND engaged.
And yes we can all be that elusive cool woman reading a novel at a cafe! The dream!
This is so inspiring and something I have been thinking about quite a bit - about losing daydreaming time with the soul sucking obsession of social media - being bored and letting the mind wander. I have to promote a show coming up so I can't fully go off but I did install an app called Zen Screensaver and it forces me to wait 10 seconds before IG opens up and I am only allowed 6 opens a day at 5 mins max of being in it - and even that little restriction has made a big difference in my attention span and creativity! Someday I'll go full monty like you - just not yet. :)
Thanks, Arrowyn. I think when we're in promotion mode it's okay to fall into overuse patterns. As long as we pull back afterward. That Zen app sounds really useful!
This is great motivation for me to work a little harder at breaking phone addiction tendencies!
I am pretty free from IG -- I delete M-F and use it on the weekends to check in with faraway friends & family. I don't have bluesky, X, substack, or anything else on my phone, but I find myself scrolling through my own photos just for the sake of zoning out. I really want to work on:
a. getting comfortable resting w/o a device in hand
b. reading during the day (I am a habitual nighttime reader but have barely touched a book during the day since Ari was born)
c. filling silence with music (esp records/tapes) instead of podcasts
The no Insta for the week is very smart. My only issue is that then it's looked at during family time. Unless I could keep it to a siloed evening time (and I couldn't) when my kids were asleep, it seems like it would cut into my parenting experience. I do still sometimes scroll through my own photos. Ha--seems mostly harmless! :)
I like this list. I am working on a Friday post in this vein...
When I know I am have an intensive day of parenting, I leave it deleted until I know I won't be pulled by it! I have contemplated moving it to Tues-Wed instead of Sat-Sun though.
I really love this, Edan -! My phone broke right before X-mas last year and due to lack of time and money, I did not replace it for about 10 days. It was so freeing! Now I am constantly figuring out how to return to that completely disconnected state because, guess what, I was completely fine without it. You may nudge me in the direction of removing email/news from my phone - I am already mostly off social media. The other tip I will offer is to change your scree to greyscale (google it if interested), which makes it almost instantly uninteresting to look at. This helps a lot with kids/screens, too. :)
I have considered going full flip phone but I like a lot of the other tools on my smartphone, so I haven't done it. I've tried grayscale and it depressed me too much! But I can see why it's useful. xoxo
I actually dreamed I was using a flip phone last night and I’m not exactly sure if I’d find this in a dream interpretation book or what it means…maybe a subconscious aspiration?
Thanks for sharing your progress. It’s quite heartening.
This is it! It’s so hard to have honest conversations about this because it can feel mean to say just stop but really that’s the only solution. I’ve been off all social media since 2020 and I cannot fathom why anyone is allowing these man-child billionaire run companies to use their creepy algorithms on your brain all day every day. There is another way!
It's hard because I know it does bring joy to people, and there was joy for me too. But not enough to keep going with it. I think moderation can work for many...but, also, yeah, the people running these companies do not have our best interests in mind! Patrick has been off social media for years and now is like, "I told you so."
It's not real joy, though. Fleeting moments of amusement? Sure. It's mostly to numb or it's just become a default activity.
I’ll have the hamachi crudo, please!!!
Love that hamachi crudo!
Girl you have already read more books in this offline time than I have read in the entire year
Lol, I think I read fast? But, also, there are people who read like 2 books a week! As a competitive nerd I feel this as a sting in my soul.
Ha my boyfriend is one of those who does 2 per week, mostly because he listens exclusively to audiobooks due to his ADHD. So he’s just always listening to something. He has learned not to rub this in my face as I, too, am unnecessarily competitive about it
I had a higher book count when I was also listening to them on drives but I began to develop an aversion to audiobooks and had to stop!
Yes yes yes I loved this so much!
Thank you, Chelsea! xoxo
Loved reading about your experience breaking up with social media! I have been trying to manage this as well and have been thinking about all those app-blocking tools to be less online/on my phone. Anytime I take an intentional weekend camping/being without phone service I always feel 10x better, but it's so easy to fall back into the habit once the weekend is done. You're inspiring me to be more intentional about it too. I am usually pretty good about locking my phone away whenever I am in company with people, nothing beats being fully present with people you love. It feels impossible to take email off my phone due to the way my day job operates but I just might go ahead and try that too :)
I am curious about Brick, which I may invest in should I return to social media for career reasons (someday...but I hope not to, honestly). I think if your work demands quick email responses it would be hard to leave it...but maybe it's worth experimenting?!
I’ve been successfully using the Brick. I quit FB, have Instagram down to 20 mins a day, and never was on Twitter etc, but the real thing is bricking safari and email for long periods on my phone— so I can still use the “tools” (maps, camera, music) but no scroll. I still have work computer for news but that’s not in my pocket!
I have heard Brick is very useful and actually works! I may have to get it if I go back to social media for my career. I don't want to go back ever but I can see how it might be useful for at least announcing stuff!
My 46 year old self loves its physical nature and I can’t unbrick it without tapping it back on that little thing. I brick before I head out to meet friends for dinner and no “oh let me look that up” or “I’ll check whatever while they are inthe bathroom”. Brick before I head to walks, Brick while working so I’m not looking at computer AND phone all the time. Brick while watching tv, with kids, etc!
ha ha I love this! BRICK IT!
ok I do keep hearing amazing things about Brick working well! Definitely sounding more and more worth the investment..
You are doing great stuff! Good job!
Thanks, Kam!
Oh--also have you read The Power of Fun by Catherine Price? She also has a book about breaking up with your phone. But in the fun book she really explains clearly how the feeling of fun/pleasure/relief from phones is threadbare and false. And she makes a strong case for how things like laughing with people in person, or picking up the phone to call someone (even though we have gotten out of the habit) is much more rewarding than interacting via a like or even a text. We all know this, but we've gotten so far away from it.
I haven't! I will check it out. Thank you!
Yes to all of this, Edan! Your conclusions about parenting and promotion are right, I think. I am so glad it's been going well for you. I've been off social media for awhile, except for this place...I need to find a way to not scroll Substack, because it's not even enjoyable.And the internet in general is more of a problem for me than just social media. I feel like I keep having to tell myself that there isn't even much that's great on it anymore, not like in the golden days of email and blogs. And yet I still want to surf...I've taken some drastic measures to stop, which I can share privately. I fell off recently and have firmly recommitted. Solidarity!!!
I have never been all that internet-obsessed...I think my curiosity doesn't work that way....? I just don't go down rabbit holes online like some people who are good at exploring their interests that way. I also agree there isn't that much to discover online anymore. Too bad the blogs and fun emails aren't a thing anymore. I would love to hear about your drastic measures though.
I'm on a social media break this summer and I'm still in the itchy reaching-for-it time.
I also find that it takes more intentional work to figure out how to take in news if I'm not just getting everything in a garbled flood on Instagram, which makes me not want to, and I'm worried that will make me a bad citizen? (But also, was social media really making me a BETTER citizen? That can't be right!) I want to be a good citizen and also a book-reader and an elusive cool woman who is not always looking at her phone -- is that too much to ask?
Also, love that you don't get emails. You're doing something right.
Social media engagement is NOT political engagement--I think those in power want us to keep reading news on social media and getting outraged, reblogging memes or whatever, and leaving it at that. This doesn't change shit! I subscribe to the Substack Chop Wood, Carry Water, which provides a political action (or more than 1) every day. I don't always read it, and I def don't do an action daily, but I try to do something occasionally. I am trying to figure out what best to do with this whole mess with the national guard and ICE here in LA. I also try to do some hyper local stuff when I can, which can have a big impact. I try to read the paper and listen to NPR so I'm up to date on current events. This feels way healthier AND engaged.
And yes we can all be that elusive cool woman reading a novel at a cafe! The dream!
This is so inspiring and something I have been thinking about quite a bit - about losing daydreaming time with the soul sucking obsession of social media - being bored and letting the mind wander. I have to promote a show coming up so I can't fully go off but I did install an app called Zen Screensaver and it forces me to wait 10 seconds before IG opens up and I am only allowed 6 opens a day at 5 mins max of being in it - and even that little restriction has made a big difference in my attention span and creativity! Someday I'll go full monty like you - just not yet. :)
Thanks, Arrowyn. I think when we're in promotion mode it's okay to fall into overuse patterns. As long as we pull back afterward. That Zen app sounds really useful!
So good!
Thank you!! xoxo
27 books, 97 pages! As my college roommate’s bf used to exclaim so often it now lives in me, “Keep going, Lover!”
Ha ha--thank you, baby.
This is great motivation for me to work a little harder at breaking phone addiction tendencies!
I am pretty free from IG -- I delete M-F and use it on the weekends to check in with faraway friends & family. I don't have bluesky, X, substack, or anything else on my phone, but I find myself scrolling through my own photos just for the sake of zoning out. I really want to work on:
a. getting comfortable resting w/o a device in hand
b. reading during the day (I am a habitual nighttime reader but have barely touched a book during the day since Ari was born)
c. filling silence with music (esp records/tapes) instead of podcasts
Thanks for this!!!
The no Insta for the week is very smart. My only issue is that then it's looked at during family time. Unless I could keep it to a siloed evening time (and I couldn't) when my kids were asleep, it seems like it would cut into my parenting experience. I do still sometimes scroll through my own photos. Ha--seems mostly harmless! :)
I like this list. I am working on a Friday post in this vein...
When I know I am have an intensive day of parenting, I leave it deleted until I know I won't be pulled by it! I have contemplated moving it to Tues-Wed instead of Sat-Sun though.
I really love this, Edan -! My phone broke right before X-mas last year and due to lack of time and money, I did not replace it for about 10 days. It was so freeing! Now I am constantly figuring out how to return to that completely disconnected state because, guess what, I was completely fine without it. You may nudge me in the direction of removing email/news from my phone - I am already mostly off social media. The other tip I will offer is to change your scree to greyscale (google it if interested), which makes it almost instantly uninteresting to look at. This helps a lot with kids/screens, too. :)
I have considered going full flip phone but I like a lot of the other tools on my smartphone, so I haven't done it. I've tried grayscale and it depressed me too much! But I can see why it's useful. xoxo
I actually dreamed I was using a flip phone last night and I’m not exactly sure if I’d find this in a dream interpretation book or what it means…maybe a subconscious aspiration?
Thanks for sharing your progress. It’s quite heartening.
ooh maybe it's a sign. I've dreamed I was talking on a home phone with a curly cord...it was very SEXY!