I think for those of us for whom a love of reading is part of our identities not seeing it reflected in our kids can be hard. My 7-year-old is still firmly in the golden age of loving to read but I'm trying to brace myself for that to shift (can you really brace yourself for any of it?) That said, my husband is not a big reader and he's...great. He gardens, plays piano, plays drums, builds things, barely looks at the internet most days, and has a rich intellectual and creative outlook on things. And as an English prof I suffer no shortage of people with whom to rave about books, so it's not something I need him to do. I think we think that character flaws inevitably crop up without certain ingredients and that isn't necessarily the case.
I totally agree. I am all for other fulfilling hobbies and vocations. My eldest plays board games, goes on long walks, and done some amazing drawings. But he is often on screens and that's where I get worried. Everything in moderation...!
Um, this thread is also me. The Very Hungry Catepillar was book #1, still in the hospital lol. They did avidly pick up reading (each in their own ways and preferences) and then it... stopped. At 10 and 13. They will still let us read to them (thank god), but it almost feels like an intentional individuation (I also get the "I'm not YOU, mom"). It is the #1 thing I care about as a parent for all the reasons you mention, and I just have to figure out how to let go and hope that being surrounded by books and three adults (my husband and my mom who lives on property) who are always reading because they love to will land where it should some day.
I will admit, though, that I still buy the WWI graphic novel from 1972 or whatever and just put it in the bedroom, and I am actually offering an allowance bump for the 30 minutes of reading (anything at all, just has to be words on paper) before bed for the 13 year old. I'm not gonna let up on the nudges and incentives, but I do need to let go of the symbolism and weight and fear the whole issue is carrying for me, which you sum up so adeptly here:
"I worry that my children’s halfhearted reading reflects a widespread, societal deterioration. That their lack of passion for books signals how they’ll live going forward, adapting to an AI-slopped, fragmented world where sustained attention inside another human’s consciousness is considered out of touch, inessential. That reading will only be good-for-you, and reserved for a select few. That it won’t be valued. It won’t even be entertained as entertainment.'
I'm also writing about my kids' reading, and I share your concerns!! Right now they're enthusiastic enough but I fear the future--both the new and shiny distractions that will arise, and their inevitable rejection of the things I hold dear. It's frustrating too how much of their reading education at school takes place on gd chromebooks but that's a whole other issue maybe...
I'm feeling this 100% Edan! I loved reading to my boys when they were little and they loved it too. As kids they were good readers and trips to the library were a regular thing. All through elementary school they has assigned reading (and read "Maus" and "March" in middle school) and in high school had to choose from that year's list of books what one that they'd read over the summer. But now, at 23 and 21, neither of them are readers, though they have other interests and talents. It is a hard thing for a book loving and author parent to accept!
That would be fun! Kids are so often more receptive with non-parent connections ;) They were both really good visual artists when they were young too, and your neighbor, in particular, has gotten back to drawing casually and is an extraordinary writer, in spite of his morphing away from reading. He was initially going to be a media arts and culture major (how proud I was! He is a born storyteller) but switched to kinesiology where he is truly gifted, having been an athlete and not only experienced with his own injuries but having witnessed those of his teammates and friends as well. The compassion and connection that he'll bring to the career he wants as a PT, I have to believe can be traced in some part to what he learned through literature, right?
This is an amazing post. My mom read to me as soon as I was born (even a little before, reading out loud while I was in her belly). Now, I'm a voracious reader like she is, but she's been in a massive reading slump lately. I think your family is DEFINITELY one of readers, but every now and then, we fall out of it, and that's okay. The chances of them returning to reading are greater than them abandoning it altogether.
Thank you! I hope you're right--even the most voracious reader goes through a slump. Either way, even if they don't read obsessively I *do* believe they value it!
My kids read a fair amount at home but basically only graphic novels, which I have a lot of feelings about. My 11 y.o. zips through those books so quickly and I feel like he needs a meatier read. I did recently start reading chapter books aloud to him at night, which I do like, and am currently living the dream of reading aloud to him a book that my mom read to me as a kid (Goneaway Lake, Elizabeth Enright). Reading has always been such a delightful thing for me that it does feel hard when they're more reluctant.
I don't know this book, Goneaway Lake--will have to check it out! I am not against graphic novels by any means *but* I do notice a resistance to books that don't have pictures with my kids. If I had graphic novels I am sure I would've loved them (and there are some I love today!)--but would I have pushed myself to read harder chapter books? Hmmm...
I'm presently living this. I, too, started reading to my child when she barely had her eyes open. I was convinced as long as I read to her and modeled reading behavior, she'd become a reader. And I don't want to say she isn't, but it's not at the scale I was when I her age. It got to a point where I felt like I could set her off on her own. I figured she'd keep reading, keep finding interest in books. She went through a few series but by the time she was in 4th grade, she kind of petered out. I couldn't get her interested. Nothing I did made her want to pick up a new book. She read in school but leisure reading wasn't her thing. She's much more active and social than me, I reason, so she's not forced to spend hours alone in her room and maybe doesn't "need" the books the way I did? Recently I figured out when she does read, she wants to read horror, so those are the books I've been nudging toward her and that's seemed to have ignited interest again but I've been genuinely shocked and confused that I did all the right things and while again, yes, she likes reading, it's not particularly her number 1 (or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5) thing.
It's hard when they don't love what we love! Especially b/c it's so central to our identities. I am okay with my kids being more casual readers than I am...as long as they read, period!
I loved reading this story about reading!! When I was in elementary school and junior high school in Vermont, I lived in walking distance to our only library. I liked to read orange biographies and Nancy Drew.
We had just barely gotten television and there were no video games. I did like to read comic books like Archie and friends.
My 13-year-old told me to stop recommending books because anything I recommended made him NOT want to read it, lol. I felt the same way when I was a teenager which is why to this day I have never read anything by the Bronte sisters. I also want my kids to become readers but it's not usually their first choice activity. Last summer we put a hammock and that seemed to encourage reading.
this is so much of it. japhs has only dipped his toe into one author who isn't dav pilkey (carl hiassin), and the other night when i checked on him at 10 pm, he was still up reading I Survived D-Day, letting me know his true passions. I guess i should just get him winston churchill and be done
I really appreciate any convo about children reading that's honest about the limits of parental control/modeling/whatever!! It's hard to find!!!
Over here we have a 9yo who only reads graphic novels (no chapter books even though I offered a bribe if she'd try) and would much rather socialize. She also won't "let" me read to her and hasn't wanted that for years. I think it has something to do with assuming the audience position in relationship to me as the "performer," which she doesn't seem to like? Nobody ever advised me what to do with this kind of objection to reading aloud! Force her to sit while I read on relentlessly? Seems to undercut the idea somewhat!
My parents still give the advice "You need to keep reading to her as she gets older" because we read aloud as a group well into the kids' tweenhoods. But I'm like - that's my family value but it's not hers, as you say! And now what?
I think for those of us for whom a love of reading is part of our identities not seeing it reflected in our kids can be hard. My 7-year-old is still firmly in the golden age of loving to read but I'm trying to brace myself for that to shift (can you really brace yourself for any of it?) That said, my husband is not a big reader and he's...great. He gardens, plays piano, plays drums, builds things, barely looks at the internet most days, and has a rich intellectual and creative outlook on things. And as an English prof I suffer no shortage of people with whom to rave about books, so it's not something I need him to do. I think we think that character flaws inevitably crop up without certain ingredients and that isn't necessarily the case.
I totally agree. I am all for other fulfilling hobbies and vocations. My eldest plays board games, goes on long walks, and done some amazing drawings. But he is often on screens and that's where I get worried. Everything in moderation...!
I wonder if he'd like Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow. Reading that with my gamer brothers was a rare and welcome bonding moment for me.
hmmm...that one might hit! Thanks.
Um, this thread is also me. The Very Hungry Catepillar was book #1, still in the hospital lol. They did avidly pick up reading (each in their own ways and preferences) and then it... stopped. At 10 and 13. They will still let us read to them (thank god), but it almost feels like an intentional individuation (I also get the "I'm not YOU, mom"). It is the #1 thing I care about as a parent for all the reasons you mention, and I just have to figure out how to let go and hope that being surrounded by books and three adults (my husband and my mom who lives on property) who are always reading because they love to will land where it should some day.
I will admit, though, that I still buy the WWI graphic novel from 1972 or whatever and just put it in the bedroom, and I am actually offering an allowance bump for the 30 minutes of reading (anything at all, just has to be words on paper) before bed for the 13 year old. I'm not gonna let up on the nudges and incentives, but I do need to let go of the symbolism and weight and fear the whole issue is carrying for me, which you sum up so adeptly here:
"I worry that my children’s halfhearted reading reflects a widespread, societal deterioration. That their lack of passion for books signals how they’ll live going forward, adapting to an AI-slopped, fragmented world where sustained attention inside another human’s consciousness is considered out of touch, inessential. That reading will only be good-for-you, and reserved for a select few. That it won’t be valued. It won’t even be entertained as entertainment.'
Yeah, I am trying not to let it mean everything. It's hard, though! xoxo
I'm also writing about my kids' reading, and I share your concerns!! Right now they're enthusiastic enough but I fear the future--both the new and shiny distractions that will arise, and their inevitable rejection of the things I hold dear. It's frustrating too how much of their reading education at school takes place on gd chromebooks but that's a whole other issue maybe...
I can't wait to read your take! My kids get to read paper books at/for school THANK GODDESS but the fight against on-screen education is constant.
I'm feeling this 100% Edan! I loved reading to my boys when they were little and they loved it too. As kids they were good readers and trips to the library were a regular thing. All through elementary school they has assigned reading (and read "Maus" and "March" in middle school) and in high school had to choose from that year's list of books what one that they'd read over the summer. But now, at 23 and 21, neither of them are readers, though they have other interests and talents. It is a hard thing for a book loving and author parent to accept!
Hmmm maybe we need an intervention! One lives in my neighborhood so let me know if you want me to show up with a reading list ;)
That would be fun! Kids are so often more receptive with non-parent connections ;) They were both really good visual artists when they were young too, and your neighbor, in particular, has gotten back to drawing casually and is an extraordinary writer, in spite of his morphing away from reading. He was initially going to be a media arts and culture major (how proud I was! He is a born storyteller) but switched to kinesiology where he is truly gifted, having been an athlete and not only experienced with his own injuries but having witnessed those of his teammates and friends as well. The compassion and connection that he'll bring to the career he wants as a PT, I have to believe can be traced in some part to what he learned through literature, right?
I love that! It's all connected--and life is long. He may just go back to reading...
I loved reading this.
This is an amazing post. My mom read to me as soon as I was born (even a little before, reading out loud while I was in her belly). Now, I'm a voracious reader like she is, but she's been in a massive reading slump lately. I think your family is DEFINITELY one of readers, but every now and then, we fall out of it, and that's okay. The chances of them returning to reading are greater than them abandoning it altogether.
Thank you! I hope you're right--even the most voracious reader goes through a slump. Either way, even if they don't read obsessively I *do* believe they value it!
My kids read a fair amount at home but basically only graphic novels, which I have a lot of feelings about. My 11 y.o. zips through those books so quickly and I feel like he needs a meatier read. I did recently start reading chapter books aloud to him at night, which I do like, and am currently living the dream of reading aloud to him a book that my mom read to me as a kid (Goneaway Lake, Elizabeth Enright). Reading has always been such a delightful thing for me that it does feel hard when they're more reluctant.
I don't know this book, Goneaway Lake--will have to check it out! I am not against graphic novels by any means *but* I do notice a resistance to books that don't have pictures with my kids. If I had graphic novels I am sure I would've loved them (and there are some I love today!)--but would I have pushed myself to read harder chapter books? Hmmm...
I'm presently living this. I, too, started reading to my child when she barely had her eyes open. I was convinced as long as I read to her and modeled reading behavior, she'd become a reader. And I don't want to say she isn't, but it's not at the scale I was when I her age. It got to a point where I felt like I could set her off on her own. I figured she'd keep reading, keep finding interest in books. She went through a few series but by the time she was in 4th grade, she kind of petered out. I couldn't get her interested. Nothing I did made her want to pick up a new book. She read in school but leisure reading wasn't her thing. She's much more active and social than me, I reason, so she's not forced to spend hours alone in her room and maybe doesn't "need" the books the way I did? Recently I figured out when she does read, she wants to read horror, so those are the books I've been nudging toward her and that's seemed to have ignited interest again but I've been genuinely shocked and confused that I did all the right things and while again, yes, she likes reading, it's not particularly her number 1 (or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5) thing.
It's hard when they don't love what we love! Especially b/c it's so central to our identities. I am okay with my kids being more casual readers than I am...as long as they read, period!
You are doing a great job if encouraging and modeling reading for your kids!
Thanks, Kam!
I loved reading this story about reading!! When I was in elementary school and junior high school in Vermont, I lived in walking distance to our only library. I liked to read orange biographies and Nancy Drew.
We had just barely gotten television and there were no video games. I did like to read comic books like Archie and friends.
Crazy times!
Those were the days! I also liked Archie as a kid...
My 13-year-old told me to stop recommending books because anything I recommended made him NOT want to read it, lol. I felt the same way when I was a teenager which is why to this day I have never read anything by the Bronte sisters. I also want my kids to become readers but it's not usually their first choice activity. Last summer we put a hammock and that seemed to encourage reading.
There is definitely automatic resistance! It's a delicate dance!
this is so much of it. japhs has only dipped his toe into one author who isn't dav pilkey (carl hiassin), and the other night when i checked on him at 10 pm, he was still up reading I Survived D-Day, letting me know his true passions. I guess i should just get him winston churchill and be done
You really have to give them what they want--it's fun, not a vitamin. My eldest has read some self-published crackpot shit!
Why the HECK didn't we get a parenting operating manual?
ha ha right?!
taking CivilWarLand in Bad Decline off the shelf for my young teen rn. great idea, thank you
It's been a hit! On Friday I will be posting reading recs for teenage boys (or stuff that my single teenage boy has liked)!
Love this ❤️
I really appreciate any convo about children reading that's honest about the limits of parental control/modeling/whatever!! It's hard to find!!!
Over here we have a 9yo who only reads graphic novels (no chapter books even though I offered a bribe if she'd try) and would much rather socialize. She also won't "let" me read to her and hasn't wanted that for years. I think it has something to do with assuming the audience position in relationship to me as the "performer," which she doesn't seem to like? Nobody ever advised me what to do with this kind of objection to reading aloud! Force her to sit while I read on relentlessly? Seems to undercut the idea somewhat!
My parents still give the advice "You need to keep reading to her as she gets older" because we read aloud as a group well into the kids' tweenhoods. But I'm like - that's my family value but it's not hers, as you say! And now what?