Dispatch #9: What's in my kitchen

You asked questions, I answered them

The older kids are home for the week. Fancy Nancy is playing on the TV. Ginger is drawing a turkey with different shapes in each feather. Bean is playing Minecraft. Later we are taking a trip to Canter’s and I cannot wait to eat some chocolate rugelach!

Here’s a quick missive answering questions I got from some subscribers. Thanks to all who sent me questions and I hope to answer more down the road! (If you have one, email it to me.)

Here we go—

QUESTION 1: I am curious about how you chose your kids' names!

This is a fun question! Dixon Bean, who is 10, is named after Jim Dixon from Lucky Jim, Kingsley Amis’ comic novel about a history professor who is a drunk. It’s one of Patrick’s favorite books. Bean was his name in utero and it stuck.

Next up: Ginger Dean, who is 6. When I was pregnant with her and very queasy, I was leaving Whole Foods with some Ginger Chews candy to help quell the nausea, and I thought, “Ginger! That’s cute!” I liked that it was classic yet casual, and not overly feminine. Ginger the root is sassy and strong. I texted Patrick the idea, and he liked it. Voila! (Also, our neighbor’s dog was named Ginger, and my older sister, Heidi, lived next door to a dog named Heidi at her birth, so it felt like a family tradition…HA!) Ginger’s middle name Dean rhymes with Bean, and it’s also an anagram of my name, which is an anagram of my grandmother Edna’s name.

Last, we’ve got Mickey Ocean, who is 2. We had zero boy names (Girl ideas: Inez—god I love this name—and Fred or Freddy, which is just such a funny and cool name for a girl, in my opinion.) One day Bean was listing possible names and he mentioned Mickey. Patrick later told me he liked it, and I did, too. It felt like a pleasing, accessible name, and it’s fun to say. It’s also a nice echo of Mookie, as in Mookie Betts, the beloved baseball player (formerly for the Red Sox and currently for the Dodgers), and we had briefly joked about naming kid #3 Mookie Brown. The middle name had to rhyme with Bean and Dean (we’d come this far!), but we didn’t like any of the possibilities. I believe Patrick suggested Ocean a couple of days before Mickey was born. It doesn’t rhyme, but it has the same “ean” ending, so the lineage felt special yet secretive. We liked how hippie it was, and how it contrasted with the more straightforward first name. Also, we love the ocean (duh) and Patrick’s a big Frank Ocean fan.

QUESTION 2: How you think your experience/approach to parenting is different from other parents you’ve known. 

Hmmm…how to begin to answer this one? Generally, like a lot of my peers, I’m trying my best to show my kids unconditional love and support while setting clear boundaries and expectations. I don’t think I’m an outlier. I’m sort of a weird combo of natural mama shit combined with throwback Boomer parenting—my older sisters are too, I think because our mom is so present in our lives, and she had five kids and took care of many others. Unlike other mothers I know, I don’t consult the internet or books for parenting advice; I ask my mom what to do. (There is something depressing to me about people crowdsourcing parenting advice; it suggests a lack of deep connection with an experienced, respected mother. Find someone whose guidance resonates with you…and don’t listen to anyone else!) I had two homebirths and exclusively breastfed, but I rarely let my kids sleep in my bed, and you won’t see my kids in amber necklaces or eating some homemade spinach muffins or whatever. I don’t let them have iPads, and they NEVER touch my phone, but TV is great. I am real—I yell, I curse—and I find a lot of the “gentle parenting” stuff admirable but, ultimately, fake. As you know, I don’t play with my kids, but I give them the space and opportunity to do so on their own. I get my babies out of diapers at age two, and out of the crib at about the same age. I start teaching them to read at 4—earlier if they’re into it. I have extremely high expectations about school, and yet I know it’s my own bullshit and try not to put undue pressure on them. I am big into affection and a zillion I love yous, and I definitely spoil them with gifts at certain key holidays. I am not into a lot of baby gear—down with the Snoo! You don’t need that stupid fucking baby wipe warmer!—and I generally try to be intuitive. What feels good? What makes my kids happy without being assholes? How can we all get through the day? As Bean gets older, I am thinking a lot about independence, self-motivation, and balancing technology use. Like any parent, I’m always revising my parenting as my kids grow up and the world changes. Oh, and when I feel like I’ve been a less-than-stellar mom, I talk about it, and apologize, and talk about my feelings and ask about theirs.

QUESTION 3: What are your pantry staples (beyond olive oil etc)?

This is another fun one. Here we go…

Here are the things for the kids:

Orowheat potato bread (for Bean)
Ham
Justin’s Peanut Butter and St. Dalfour Jelly
Canned black beans (for Ginger)
Yogurt squeeze pouches (for Mickey)
Cherry tomatoes
Ketchup
Bananas, berries of all kinds, apples, grapes—kids are made of fruit.
Plain mini-bagels (which are gross!) and whipped cream cheese
Hardboiled eggs (for Mickey)
Organic Whole Milk
Pretzels
Stouffer’s Mac ‘n Cheese
Flour Tortillas (microwave for 16 seconds & place on child’s face. Call it a Tortilla Spa)
365 brand ice cream sandwiches

For the adults/everyone/dinners:

Thomas English Muffins
Bub’s and Grandma seeded sourdough (a local breadmaker…god’s gift)
Arugula
Eggs
Kettle barbecue potato chips
Anchovies
Red wine
Fish sauce
Coffee
Mint tea
Chicken stock
Canned chickpeas
Dijon mustard, red wine vinegar, shallots (for salad dressing)
Capers
Lemons
Mayo
Italian Parsley
Dark chocolate, usually salted or with almonds.
Strauss Creamery ice cream: chocolate, coffee, mint chocolate chip
Unsalted butter (Look, the salted kind is made with BAD salt!)
Maldon’s salt (put THAT on your butter)
Diamond Kosher salt

As for meat, we typically like to have some skin-on, bone-in chicken thighs handy. I have been getting tofu lately. I like to have fingerling potatoes and kale around. And you know I love a rib-eye!

QUESTION 4: What’s your pubic hair like?

LOL, no one asked this.

Now, I have questions for you:

-What are you wearing to Thanksgiving?
-What’s the last scary dream you had?
-Are you also someone who never heard Taylor Swift’s “Red” until last week?
-What is/was your favorite thing about your mom?

Happy Thanksgiving!

xoxo

Edan