Hmm- parenting. I typically avoid parenting books and advice. If I’m going to read it’s to escape the demands and pressure of parenting. Reading is my free time for intellectual stimulation, pleasure - both. Lately I’ve connected with Elena Ferrante’s take on parenting. “It’s a crushing responsibility.” And her take that it typically doesn’t benefit women as it involves massive sacrifice in terms of time and freedom. As a parent I try to find a balance of maintaining high standards while still being loving. I think consistent expectations combined with love and creative freedom is important. Regular routine, meal times, table manners, homework, bedtime is key with lots of please and thank yous. I have a hard time being around most other people’s children because of their lack of manners. I don’t like the neglect associated with the boomer generation, but I do appreciate how there used to be a space for adults to be adults without centering their lives around their kids as the Gen X/ millennial generation tends to. I’m often disturbed when I do interact with other kids by the degree to which they expect to be waited on and served. My 8 year old is at a pretty good stage, my only complaint is when she gets tired she can whine and complain which I have little tolerance for. And she can get distracted easily- trying to teach her to focus on one thing at a time and sit still at the table requires lots of patience. Our teenager can be charming out in the world, but he’s definitely testing boundaries and can be rude and moody at home. The key is for me to not micro manage him- to give him enough freedom so he feels he has ownership of his life while at the same time still trying to guide him and maintain expectations. It’s a lot of work. If my daughter decides not to have kids and to have more of a career than I’ve had I would be 100% supportive. I love my kids, but I don’t know any mothers who have strong careers without completely outsourcing everything to a nanny. I haven’t observed anyone who has found a healthy balance. To have well adjusted kids requires a ton of time, energy, and focus to ensure everything runs smoothly.
Thanks, Chloe! It's hard not to micro-manage or get annoyed/frustrated by a child's whining or lack of focus. My kids are so polite to other people--to me, maybe not. I guess I'll take my wins where I can! It's interesting that it's your daughter that you're thinking about re: career v. parenthood, and not your son--I know, I know, women usually take on the childcare burden in a hetero relationship, which depresses me. I guess I know many women with vibrant and interesting careers who also have kids; I don't know any, like, moguls or mega lawyers though. I hope that my kids see how equitable my marriage is and try to replicate it in their own partnerships--and that this fairness of labor division gives them clarity regarding parenthood. Right now, though, they all leave their dirty clothes on the floor despite our repeated reminders and haranguing, so...I am fearful for their future spouses.
Non-parent comment - I just loved this whole thing. I was reading it as I was at my best friend's house watching my godsons (Well, I was mostly upstairs watching tv while they did their own thing because they are old enough to just do their own thing). I was just riveted by the whole thing, while at the same time it stressed me out. Haha. I think it's very good that I am not a parent.
Not being a parent, I can't really comment on 99% of your latest. BUT...nice bottle recommendation! Negroamaro wines are delicous AND inexpensive. However, I *did* feel slighlty attacked when the Silverlake Wine website asked for age verification. I wish the Internet would stop trying to remind me of how #$%& old I am!
As the mom of one kid, I try to parent him like he is my second kid. I've never owned a baby monitor. I did the bare minimum in terms sterilizing anything (bottle parts, pacifiers, etc). As you've talked about before, I don't crowdsource advice.
The part of RIE that I connected with was the narrating diaper changes, which I know some people find really weird. I like to think of it as part of teaching consensual behavior.
As I have texted you about, we are entering in the tantrum phase, which freaked me out at first but now I feel more ready for. I think my attitude is know when to hold the line and choose battles wisely. I do think you are on to something about people having so much self-doubt when it comes to parenting! There isn't a manual and there is no such thing as a perfect human. Mostly I just want to make decisions from a place of peace and trust instead of a place of fear.
Hmm- parenting. I typically avoid parenting books and advice. If I’m going to read it’s to escape the demands and pressure of parenting. Reading is my free time for intellectual stimulation, pleasure - both. Lately I’ve connected with Elena Ferrante’s take on parenting. “It’s a crushing responsibility.” And her take that it typically doesn’t benefit women as it involves massive sacrifice in terms of time and freedom. As a parent I try to find a balance of maintaining high standards while still being loving. I think consistent expectations combined with love and creative freedom is important. Regular routine, meal times, table manners, homework, bedtime is key with lots of please and thank yous. I have a hard time being around most other people’s children because of their lack of manners. I don’t like the neglect associated with the boomer generation, but I do appreciate how there used to be a space for adults to be adults without centering their lives around their kids as the Gen X/ millennial generation tends to. I’m often disturbed when I do interact with other kids by the degree to which they expect to be waited on and served. My 8 year old is at a pretty good stage, my only complaint is when she gets tired she can whine and complain which I have little tolerance for. And she can get distracted easily- trying to teach her to focus on one thing at a time and sit still at the table requires lots of patience. Our teenager can be charming out in the world, but he’s definitely testing boundaries and can be rude and moody at home. The key is for me to not micro manage him- to give him enough freedom so he feels he has ownership of his life while at the same time still trying to guide him and maintain expectations. It’s a lot of work. If my daughter decides not to have kids and to have more of a career than I’ve had I would be 100% supportive. I love my kids, but I don’t know any mothers who have strong careers without completely outsourcing everything to a nanny. I haven’t observed anyone who has found a healthy balance. To have well adjusted kids requires a ton of time, energy, and focus to ensure everything runs smoothly.
Thanks, Chloe! It's hard not to micro-manage or get annoyed/frustrated by a child's whining or lack of focus. My kids are so polite to other people--to me, maybe not. I guess I'll take my wins where I can! It's interesting that it's your daughter that you're thinking about re: career v. parenthood, and not your son--I know, I know, women usually take on the childcare burden in a hetero relationship, which depresses me. I guess I know many women with vibrant and interesting careers who also have kids; I don't know any, like, moguls or mega lawyers though. I hope that my kids see how equitable my marriage is and try to replicate it in their own partnerships--and that this fairness of labor division gives them clarity regarding parenthood. Right now, though, they all leave their dirty clothes on the floor despite our repeated reminders and haranguing, so...I am fearful for their future spouses.
Non-parent comment - I just loved this whole thing. I was reading it as I was at my best friend's house watching my godsons (Well, I was mostly upstairs watching tv while they did their own thing because they are old enough to just do their own thing). I was just riveted by the whole thing, while at the same time it stressed me out. Haha. I think it's very good that I am not a parent.
Ha ha. Thanks, Ally!
Not being a parent, I can't really comment on 99% of your latest. BUT...nice bottle recommendation! Negroamaro wines are delicous AND inexpensive. However, I *did* feel slighlty attacked when the Silverlake Wine website asked for age verification. I wish the Internet would stop trying to remind me of how #$%& old I am!
LOL--maybe it's the opposite and the website thinks you look young enough to card!
As the mom of one kid, I try to parent him like he is my second kid. I've never owned a baby monitor. I did the bare minimum in terms sterilizing anything (bottle parts, pacifiers, etc). As you've talked about before, I don't crowdsource advice.
The part of RIE that I connected with was the narrating diaper changes, which I know some people find really weird. I like to think of it as part of teaching consensual behavior.
As I have texted you about, we are entering in the tantrum phase, which freaked me out at first but now I feel more ready for. I think my attitude is know when to hold the line and choose battles wisely. I do think you are on to something about people having so much self-doubt when it comes to parenting! There isn't a manual and there is no such thing as a perfect human. Mostly I just want to make decisions from a place of peace and trust instead of a place of fear.
That's true about diaper changing teaching consensual behavior--good point! Also, yes to everything else! :)